I have never put it out there before but I must release the past for good! This is exciting! GOODBYE!

You walked in my life
I fell hard for you
You took control of my life
I let you
You hurt me by cheating
I stayed faithful
You verbally abused me
I destroyed myself because I began to believe you
You hurt my family
I hurt my family because of your manipulation
You made me think and feel I was not sane
I acted out of the strongest sense of pain and anger that would not go away
You would not let me go and said all the right words
I let you back in a thousand times
You forced disbelief in myself
You weakened me to your puppet
You broke my heart a million times
I had forgotten how to love
You convinced me my friends only wanted us apart
I believed you and you became my best friend who hurt me the most
You humiliated me in private as well as public
I was ashamed to show my face
You took me out of me
I no longer knew who I was
You told me you loved someone else
I left my heart in pieces at your feet and finally left for good
You continued to try to control me
I could not escape it
You still used your words to pursuade me of downgrade
I seeked for the wrong fixes
You continued to talk me down
I was up but still did not believe
You never stopped saying you were better and more powerful
I began to ignore you
You took advantage of me
I was disgusted
You tried to offer kindness because your control over me was lost
I accepted giving you control once again
You started over with the verbal abuse but now my most important blessing was at stake
I had enough and I freed myself from you to protect her
You still try to take control
I will not allow it

I am in control of my life
I am standing
I am strong
I know me again
I know love again
I teach as well as I have learned
I am truly content without forcing it
I would never accept your ignorance
I choose never to listen to your words
I know you for your names selfish, arrogant, ignorant, small, defeated, abuser, follower, dissappointment, egotistical
I forgive and feel sorry for you despite it all and I pray for you to change and accept better inside because the outside has been ugly too long. I pray for this only because you share part of a person with me who is the most important and biggest blessing in my life and now I understand that God had a purpose and picked us to make her and your self created mess I had to go through so she will never have to. And for her it was worth it!
I know you will always continue to try but you will never steal my joy again!

Some things are hard to look past but we must remember where are strength comes from.....our faith.

I am sruggling from a strong curse of disappointment. Its a tough situation to meet someone and have some really good times with them and think things are going well when you hit a bump in the road and everything goes off track. I ran into someone whom I haven`t seen in years and we go on a date and things go very well. They go well for a few weeks then all of a sudden you notice change. The person isn`t calling as much or wanting to see you as much. What happens in that time period. Why can something go so well and then crash as if something bad happened but you have no acknowledgement of it? WHy is someone unable to share this with you. I am a very honest person and I may be at fault for this. I just don`t think I will ever understand why this is not received in return. I believe if you are dating someone and something changes you should atleast have respect for them and let them know if it is something that bothers you or if you don`t think you see eye to eye with them. I don`t think you should just ignore the situation until it goes away. Its extremely disrespectful. These days time is crucial and feelings should be a consideration. If it doesn`t work out it doesn`t but atleast verbalize your thoughts to an extent so tat there is a mutual understanding. Each day in your life is an experience and we learn from every one of them, no one should be mad or angry if its not there we just need to all respect one another and be honest people and respect eachother. Disappointment can be upsetting especially when you grow to care about another person. I choose to always be upfront and honest so why can`t everyone follow that lead?

what is your purpose in life?

Do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is? Do you believe you are in this world for a reason and so serve a purpose? If you have a gift that is your purpose. I believe that any gift you have should be used in a positive way in your life as well as others lives. A gift could be a verbal talent or a physical talent an area where you can get people to listen in a positive way and follow. It could be a situation that you were put in for a reason only to go through it as a life learning lesson voice yourself to prepare other people to motivate them or to guide them through a similar situation or problem. I hope I am not speaking non understanding when I say this but I myself know what my talents and gifts are and I choose not to use them in a way that I should. So my new years resolution to myself is to use those gifts and talents to uphold myself and to help others as well. Because I also believe the more good you do the more good you receive in life but we don`t do good to receive we do it because we want to!

Holding back from a gift of leadership... in my distinctive style of freedom thinking!

I am struggling with something... I feel I was granted with a gift of leadership but why am I allowing myself to hold back that gift that I was given. Its funny I hold back so many of my gifts and do not allow them to shine. However, I do sense a reason for this. Funny I would relate this subject to a relationship. I am a very intriging person for which I have so much to release but I feel there is going to be a right time for release of these gifts. I actually shock myself at times when certain things I say or certain actions I take. For some reason I feel my mistakes can be handled and for that I will be ok but that its my job to relay these and side of effects of these situations to help others because it is harder for most to survive. My friends and family understand me as far as I know so they know exactly what I am talking about. I feel like once things I am so proud of shine through me finally I will be a woman beyond belief. Yet I am still trying to figure out my fear in this openness but it also confuses me. I am not the affectionate or showing emotion type of person but yet I am inside the MOST caring, sympathetic, loving person I know. I just can..t show it. Did I get off track from the original subject...lol...ADD! For some reason I feel my role will be as a very high leader but it will not propose until it is ready. When I say it is then it will be extremely powerful. Ask yourself this question "What is it about myself that uniquely intrigues me" If you think deep into it you will discover some things that you will not believe! That is so powerful to me. I can..t believe I am up so late with this but I constantly have so much on my mind it is hard to sleep. Like I said before my mistakes hit me so hard especially when they are acknowledged by others and it gives me more strength to keep others from making the same mistakes. I feel I can handle anything and its the people who are closest in my heart who also have a HUGE impact on this! Two most included would be my sister and my mother! I know we will provide strength for eachother when each of us is down. I take it all in a different way then anyone could imagine. We have great minds for a reason so why do some not use it or are dillusional. I feel I am a strong woman even in my times of weakness because my weaknesses only make me a more stronger and more positive person. I will never settle for anything because its convenient in life, relationships, etc. I feel everyone should stand and stick to what they know they deserve and never settle for anything less than that. Why limit yourself in situations for convenience when there is a whole other exciting role out there for you. The situations we go through is the most impact and knowledge we could ever create for ourselves. Put that on your ring finger for keepsake. Our lives now is a trial period for Heaven, what kind of person will you be there? I will create greatness and bring greatness with me and make sure my closest friends and family create their own greatness in their own preparation for Heaven! I hope this made you think some on your own situations.......




Good night all!!

Forgiving Others!

Today 's Scripture



And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted, ( compassionate, understanding, loving- heart ed), forgiving one another ( readily and freely) as God in Chris t forgave you" ( Ephesians 4:32 AMP).



Today 's Word from Joel and Victoria



As followers of Christ, ourcharacter should mirror His character. We should be helpful to one another, kind and tender toward one another, under standing and loving. Most of all, we should be extending forgiveness to one another in the same way that Christ extends forgiveness toward us. In other words , forgive unconditionally . Many times , people won't forgive until the other person says they are sorry . Or, they won't forgive because they think somehow they are punishing the other person or giving them what they deserve. But the only perso n that is hurt by your unfor giveness is you. When you hold unforgiveness, you can't be forgiven by God, and you are the one locked up in the hurt and pain. Don't hold unfor given ess any longer! Forgiveness simply begins with a choice to obey God's command. When you open your heart to forgiveness, you open your heart to God's healing and restoration in your life.

Make the choice today to forgive others readily and feel as God in Christ forgave you!



A Prayer for Today



Heavenly Fathe r, thank You for shapi ng my character and making me more like You. I invite You to work in every area of my life. I choose to forgive just as You have forgiven me. I bless Your holy name today . In Jesus ' Name. Amen.

Don`t lose your JOY!

Everyday there are opportunities in life to get upset and loose your joy and peace. There are many things that can steal your joy – people, traffic, disappointments. But if you are going to live in victory you have to have to choose the right approach to life. It's good to have plans, but submit your plans to God and decide in advance to stay in peace no matter what happens.



The Scripture says, "No man can take your joy." That means no person can make you be unhappy. No circumstance can force you to get upset. It's totally up to you. You have complete control of how peaceful and happy you want to live. When those inconveniences come, when your plans don't work out or when somebody irritates you, you can decide, "I am not going to get upset. I am not going to lose my joy. I have the power to stay in peace." Jesus put it this way in John 14:27, "Stop allowing yourself to be upset and disturbed." Notice it's a decision you have to make. Decide today to keep your joy and peace.



Change your approach and believe that God is directing your steps. Believe that you are exactly where you're supposed to be. As you do, you'll keep your joy and you will experience God's blessing, and favor, and live the life of victory He has in store!

Believe! Only GOD can judge!

Ignorance is in existence. You can..t change ignorance unless the ignorant person wants to change their thoughts. People must remember that you only know what someone allows you to know. Those who think they know you and can stand before you and critique you to a T in their ignorant perspective, 99% of the time they are critiqing their own fears on a person they know nothing about. They do not see beyond an existence of their own thoughts. This is so sad to me. These people will miss out on those who could be a huge impact on their life. The root of evil they pursue within themselves. They need seek for a suface of change and let go of those fears or thoughts of negativity they have in others that lies mainly within themselves. Right or wrong I choose never to be translucent to the ignorant. I choose to be me and have those earn the priveledge to get to know ME! And so GOD blessed me to be one you need truly get to know! Negative thoughts come with negative actions as positive thoughts come with positive actions. Count your blessings because only GOD can give them and you shall be grateful!